the frog and the scorpion
A scorpion stood at the edge of a river, wanting to cross. He saw a frog and asked, “Will you carry me across on your back?”
The frog hesitated and replied “But you’ll sting me.”
The scorpion said “If I sting you, we’ll both drown. That wouldn’t make sense, would it?”
That logic was valid to the frog so he agreed. He let the scorpion climb onto his back, and they started to cross the river.
Halfway through the river, the scorpion stung the frog.
As the poison sank in and they both began to sink, the frog yelled, “Why? Why did you do that? Now we’ll both die!”
The scorpion said, “I couldn’t help it. It’s in my nature.”
And then they both went under.
I was told to read this story by my therapist without looking up the meaning of it.
But I didn’t need to. It was already my story.
I didn’ dive deeper into signs I saw early on. September: A story or three from a past time. October: “I don’t let myself get too sad, because if I do, it gets really dark.” December: Recognizing the way he punishes his body. January: “I remembered a memory, and I can’t tell if it is real and I don’t want to tell anyone because I am afraid if I do, it will become real.” February: I couldn’t fall asleep last night because I heard….” March: “I fell asleep last night falling in love with you and woke up the next morning feeling like our entire relationship was someone else’s dream and feel complete apathy for you.”
I can’t help but feel foolish
I trusted the version of him that looked content
The one who noticed every shift,
The one who took time to work on himself for two years before getting into a relationship,
who mirrored my softness,
who knew how to be steady when I swayed.
I am foolish for not seeing signs of deep emotional avoidance until it was relevant to me
How foolish of me to subconsciously think that “with me, it will be different”
I thought I was only going to carry love and lightness with him,
turns out, once my light began to dim
I was carrying both of us
his emotions, his stress, his past, his avoided memories.
I was the frog.
And he, the scorpion—
not cruel, just wired that way.
I believed we could both float.
But some creatures are not meant to cross some rivers.
Only to teach you how deep they run.
